I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
