My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
