dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
