i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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