Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
