I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
