Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
