I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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