i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
