he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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