can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
