First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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