On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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