Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
