i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
