Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
