I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
