I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I did not marry a roomba.
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