i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
