The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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