Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
