fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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