thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
