Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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