right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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