so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
