Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
