What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
