I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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