I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
