ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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