i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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