the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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