he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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