i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
