sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
false alarm, still single
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
