We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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