i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
