he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
