Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize