just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
