I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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