the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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