Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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