New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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