I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
