and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
