There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
