I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
