he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
