U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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