opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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