he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
