im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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