my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
