why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
