Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
