let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
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