...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
