rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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