Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize