I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
