White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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