seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
