You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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