So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize