my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Send help, water and tortillas.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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