Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
