Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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