p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
