Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
