1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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