got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
